Oh joy...

Well I am now on day 19 of Celexa. The feeling of wanting to cry and feeling hopeless has gone away. But I still feel like I am not myself. Im not "happy" Im just... here. I can now get mad though. I got rather angry with my husband the other night. He did deserve it dont get me wrong lol but I dont feel I should have felt that angry over the situation. Also, today is Monday and since last Friday I have been having trouble falling asleep. Last night was especially hard. I laid in bed for probably about 3 hours or so trying to fall asleep. My mind was racing. Laying there in bed, yawning every few seconds because I was just so incredibly tired, but a million thoughts were going through my head, like my brain was wide awake but my body was begging to give in. When I did finally fall asleep I couldnt stay asleep. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I started thyroid medication the end of last week. I see the doctor in 2 days and I can tell her whats been going on. Maybe she will up my dosage.

Anyway, other than that its been pretty calm around here. The leaves are starting to turn, its so pretty. I keep telling my husband its going to be an early winter this year. I think we will have at least one snow around Halloween. He says not until after Thanksgiving. Im going to start practicing on my bow this week. Bow hunting season starts next month and I need to work on pulling quietly so I dont scare the deer in the next county. I have a 65lb bow, Id like to get a 50 or 55lb but this year mine will work fine. Just have to build up a little bit of muscle in my right shoulder and upper arm for pulling. Im pretty excited about this season. It will be my first bow hunt. Ill be suprised if I get anything at all lol Im hoping for at least a 4 point though.  Also salmon season is coming up and Ill be doing a bit of fishing too. Going to get some energy out of my system before the snow gets here and Im house bound except for doctor appointments and grocery store visits.

Oh also we will start decorating our house with the christmas lights before Halloween this year so we have time before it gets crazy cold. Im going to decorate the porch on Halloween and have a big bowl of candy for the kids to trick or treat. The last few years we lived so far out in the middle of nowhere that we didnt get to pass out candy so it will be a lot of fun seeing all the costumes. We will also eat junk food and watch scary movies into the wee hours as we do every year.

Alright, well I just wanted to give everyone an update. Im going to get a snack and watch a movie. Have a great week!

Oh my aching head!

Well the Celexa seem to be working for my insomnia and my panic attacks as its been 7 days today and I havent had one panic attack yet. I was anxious yesterday and today I feel very on edge though. Since starting the Celexa though, I have had a headache. Its always there, sometimes worse than other times. So I called my doctors office and talked to the nurse. My doctor is out today so she is going to talk to the nurse practitioner and ask about a medication change or what they think I should do. She is also supposed to ask if I can take some Tylenol because I'm not supposed to take certain things with Celexa.

I watched a video the other day of someone who also takes Celexa. She described her general emotions on it as "stifled" I didn't really understand what it was until now. Its like you know how you should feel but your feelings are sort of smothered. I can get angry, but not how I normally would. If something sad happened, I don't think I would be able to cry. I would just be like... numb. Thats how I'm feeling, just numb. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I can sleep and I'm extremely glad I haven't had a panic attack. But I feel numb most of the time. I can get a giggle at something but then I go back to feeling numb. My body isn't numb but my mind sort of feels that way. I know medications take a while to really get into your system and your body takes time getting used to them so I know this feeling might not last. Thats if they don't change my medication to something else.

Well just got the call back from the doctors office. I can take Tylenol yay! They said the headaches are normal and they should go away so Ill keep taking this for now and see if they go away or not. Maybe my mood will improve where I'm not feeling so out of it.

Anyway, I'm going to take some Tylenol and chill out, maybe my headache will go away. Have a great day everyone!

Seeing in color

This is Monday and I started the Celexa last Friday. Although I don't feel it has improved my mood at all, I have been sleeping which is so wonderful by itself. When you can't sleep and you haven't slept, its like you look at the world in black and white. You see everything in front of you but you're not experiencing the full effect of life. When you finally get the sleep you have been deprived from it's like seeing the world in color for the first time. Yes My mood is still depressed but I have only been on this medication for a very short time. I need to give it a chance to bring my mood up. If it doesn't, Ill have to let my doctor know I need something better than this.

Tonight I have to fast and tomorrow I go into town to have my blood drawn for cholesterol, A1C, Thyroid and whatever else she wanted to check on me. I have been controlling my diabetes with diet but the last A1C test I had was a 7. I need to bring that down a little so I need to be on medication again for it. Its a big deal in the way I don't like taking medications at all. But I realize I need to if I want to get healthy again.

On a lighter side, tomorrow is my husband's 41st birthday! For the next 2 months I can rub it in that he is older than me. My birthday is rapidly coming though this November. I hate getting older! Oh well I guess its part of the whole cycle of life. He doesn't know it but I'm throwing him a surprise party. He thinks we are just going out to eat with his parents but his whole family is going to be there, it will really give him a 'pick me up' and put a smile on his face. He deserves it. Last year on his 40th birthday we were in a crappy Motel 6 in Waco Texas. We had to evacuate the day before for a hurricane. In fact we evacuated twice that week because of hurricanes and it was part of the reason we decided to move to Michigan, besides that he is from here and his family still resides here. So today Ive been just tidying up the house here and there. I painted a butterfly and some flowers on the new mailbox. We have to put a new one up because the snowplow hit the one that's up this last winter and just recently the door decided to fall half off lol.

Alright well I better get off of here to finish my other blog and then continue getting the house ready. I hope you all have a wonderful week!